The Plan Got Lost. Love Didn’t.

I never grew up dreaming of a wedding. In fact, I have a distinct memory of when I decided I didn’t want children and part of that was imagining a life of solitude. Even as a 10 year old, I recognized that it would be difficult to find someone who also did not want children so I told myself I would have neither children nor partner.

Attempts were made, however. I went through more than ten years of relationships with different partners, as well as many years alone before I finally found Matthew. Even when I said yes to love, I still didn’t picture a day in white. Matthew and I went back and forth on it but getting married meant a lot to him and he means the world to me so I agreed.

Once the decision was made, he popped the question and I said yes. At the time, the wedding felt so far away; about a year and a half. Even when we booked our venue a year out, it felt forever away. I felt at ease about it but as the wedding approached, I found myself getting caught up in the drama of the seating assignments, how to do my hair and which sauce we should pick for our chicken. There were moments of insecurity where I felt like I did in high school, the nerves taking over and crowding out the truth of the moment.

Lawrence Yeo of https://moretothat.com has a wonderful post about his transition from feeling that a wedding is a waste of resources to feeling like it was one of the best days of his life. You can read the post here: https://moretothat.com/why-having-a-wedding-makes-sense/.

I thought about his words often as I was preparing for my own wedding so when I found myself getting caught up with the unimportant, I focused instead on my love for Matthew and how wonderful it would be when we were surrounded by our closest friends and family.

Two days before the wedding, there was still so much to do; I hadn’t been able to finalize my makeup yet (which I decided to do myself), my sister-in-law, Joni, had not had a chance to practice on my hair yet since we live in different states, my bouquets were put together but needed to be finalized with ribbon, I still needed to send out the link to where people could watch the live stream of our ceremony, the gifts I brought were not yet prepared to be passed out, etc.

Instead of letting myself get overwhelmed, I focused on picking my family up from the airport and getting them settled into the Airbnb we had reserved. I kept telling myself that things would work out the way they were supposed to.

At the rehearsal dinner, before I had anything to eat or drink, I had an unexpected stomach ache. At the time, I didn’t think much of it but when I woke up at 7am the morning of the wedding sicker than I have been in over 15 years, I realized what was happening. I texted Joni. I knew there was no way I could make it to the Airbnb by 9am. She told me not to worry, that she would get the rest of the girls taken care of and I could come over later after I had some time to rest.

By 10:30am, I was finally on the mend but I was so weak that I couldn’t even get in the shower. My childhood best friend, Becky, who was also my Matron of Honor, and her little sister, Hannah, came over to help me. They got me up, got me in the shower and Hannah even washed my hair for me since I didn’t have the energy to lift my arms. There was such gentleness and such kindness in how they offered their assistance, in the suggestions they made, in the way they asked me if I could sit in the shower, something I hadn’t even considered. I was overcome with gratitude and relief. I have been friends with these women since before I can even remember and we have always been close but this moment reminded me that the real beauty of the day wasn’t in how things looked or in how much dancing we would do during the reception —it was in how deeply I am loved.

Becky and Hannah getting me going set the tone for the whole day. With each offer of assistance, I found myself choosing to let go of the idea that I had to be the one to make sure everything got taken care of. I felt myself softening, accepting any and all offers with gratitude. With each interaction, I was assured by everyone that I only needed to take care of myself as they all held me in different, unexpected and lovely ways. Even our photographer, Rebecca, went out of her way to track items down for me so I could get ready. When I arrived at the venue, the staff had already been told what was happening—and someone was there immediately, tending to me with care and calm.

Above and beyond doesn’t even begin to describe the way that everyone came together to make sure I made it to our special day.

Through all of it, there was no room for insecurity.
No place for pride.
No pressure to perform.
There was only space for love.
And love blossomed—more beautifully than I ever could have planned—because I let go.

By the time my sisters helped me into my dress, I felt something I never could have orchestrated: not perfection, but peace.
Not control, but pure connection.
Not a fantasy version or production of a wedding—but the truest expression of love I’ve ever known. What a profoundly perfect way to begin my married life with Matthew.

We spend so much time trying to get the details right—trying to follow the plan. But sometimes love asks us to let go, to soften, to receive.

Our wedding day didn’t go the way I thought it would. It went better—in a quieter, deeper way. It reminded me that when things fall apart, it’s not a sign we’ve failed. Sometimes, it’s how love clears the space to do its best work.

This is my love letter to the people who supported me the day of our wedding:

To Becky and Hannah—thank you for holding me up, literally and emotionally.
Hannah, thank you for helping me locate my sense of humor to carry me through the day.

To Naomi—thank you for your patience and sweet friendship.

To my sisters, Anna and Lois—thank you for keeping me grounded, and for the gentle gift of reminding me to enjoy the moment, not just get through it.

Thank you, Joni—for the calm you brought to every moment, and the care you gave so freely. You weren’t just tending to details—you were tending to people, quietly holding space for all of us in the ways we needed most.

To Joni and Brittany—thank you for being the kind of steady that moves without needing to be asked. For wrapping flowers, calming nerves, and reminding me—just by being there—that I was never alone in making the day beautiful.

Mimi—thank you for fully embracing every version of me. You are my constant reminder of the light that we all carry.

Thank you to Antonio—for your quiet, enduring support. No one will ever know the full depth of your contributions this weekend, but I see you—and I appreciate you so much.

Thank you to Lucy—for your beautiful vulnerability and open heart. That moment we spent together will forever be precious to me.

Thank you to David—you earned unsung MVP status by steaming every dress like a pro and chauffering us around. Your thoughtfulness calmed the chaos.

Thank you, Kellie—for your loyalty and fierce mama bear protection.

Thank you, Silas—for making sure no moment was missed, holding the digital thread that kept us all connected.

Thank you to Ben—your hugs said everything I needed to hear.

To Mommy and Daddy—for always being the calm, uplifting center of our family. Thank you for dancing with me.

Thank you to Greyson and Brayden—for pushing through even when things were hard. Thank you for all the hugs and love—and for being the cutest ring security on the face of the planet.

Thank you to Blayke—for pulling me out on the dance floor and keeping me smiling.

Thank you, Mara—for anchoring us all with your support and love.

Thank you, Jessica and Taylor—for your calm, thoughtful presence.

Thank you, Rebecca—not just for capturing the day, but for the quiet care you brought to every moment. You weren’t just documenting love; you were part of it. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to pull you in for a hug—because that’s how deeply you feel like part of our family.

Thank you to Shawn—for being the most perfect officiant. I’m so grateful you stood with us that day.

Thank you to Heather—for your sweet check-ins, and to Gary and Heather for keeping the dance floor vibrant.

Thank you to Norah, Chris, Jesse, and Martie—for loving on me the way you always do, and for keeping the energy up. You made my night.

Thank you, Jordan—for keeping the vibes light and relatable with your toast. People are still talking about it.

Thank you, Kathy—for getting me home, helping me out of my dress, and holding space when the day finally caught up with me.

Thank you to Kathy and Brian—for recreating our wedding dinner a couple of days later. Your thoughtfulness is so appreciated.

Thank you to Matthew—I never expected your love, and I certainly never felt I deserved a love like yours: a love whose depth is yet to be revealed.

To every friend and family member who carried even a small part of the day—thank you for reminding me that love is never something I have to earn. I didn’t just feel loved that day. I felt held.

This wasn’t just a wedding. This was a love letter in motion. And I will carry it with me, always.